Today is my cancer-versary. Four years ago today I got that call. That call that no one ever wants to get and I definitely wasn’t expecting it at the age of 35. The nurse on the other end of the call said, ‘I’m sorry, the results are positive.’ I remember thinking…wait, what? Positive, for what? I’m not pregnant. (Because at that time in my life, I was considering the option of having kids and so in my mind, the only test I was thinking about taking was a pregnancy test.) I know that seems ridiculous but in my mind, there was no way I had cancer. I could run a marathon if she had asked me too – people with cancer can’t run marathons. I was wrong – on both parts – you can have cancer at 35 and you can have cancer AND run marathons. I proved that theory during my treatment. I finally had to ask the question – point blank, “Are you saying I have breast cancer?” She rambled off a bunch of cancer terms but finally confirmed. And so my life, as I knew it, changed.
I’m four years from that call but I remember like it was yesterday. I remember the exact tone of the nurse’s voice, I remember the exact time (1:03 PM, it was a Friday), I remember what I was wearing, and I remember thinking how am I going to get through this. I wish I could forget that day.
I wish I didn’t have a cancer-versary but remembering this day always helps me bring things in perspective. It also reminds me that a lot of good things came from that dreaded call – lots of new friends, renewed friendships, and made me realize I’m surrounded by a lot of love. Today I’m still reminded of what I’ve accomplished and that I can do anything I want. Most people look at me today and don’t realize that I’ve had cancer but I know, I see the scars . I know that I’m stronger because of it and I know when I fall down, I can get back up.
A friend at work sent me this you tube video…since she’s sent it to me, I think about it every day. I find it inspiring and hopefully you will too. I compare it to myself and what I’ve been through and where I’m going. I feel like I’ve fallen several times in life but I always manage to get back up, even when I don’t want to.