Four Years

Today is my cancer-versary. Four years ago today I got that call.  That call that no one ever wants to get and I definitely wasn’t expecting it at the age of 35.  The nurse on the other end of the call said, ‘I’m sorry, the results are positive.’  I remember thinking…wait, what?  Positive, for what?  I’m not pregnant. (Because at that time in my life, I was considering the option of having kids and so in my mind, the only test I was thinking about taking was a pregnancy test.)  I know that seems ridiculous but in my mind, there was no way I had cancer.  I could run a marathon if she had asked me too – people with cancer can’t run marathons.  I was wrong – on both parts – you can have cancer at 35 and you can have cancer AND run marathons.  I proved that theory during my treatment.  I finally had to ask the question – point blank, “Are you saying I have breast cancer?”  She rambled off a bunch of cancer terms but finally confirmed.  And so my life, as I knew it, changed.

I’m four years from that call but I remember like it was yesterday. I remember the exact tone of the nurse’s voice, I remember the exact time (1:03 PM, it was a Friday), I remember what I was wearing, and I remember thinking how am I going to get through this.  I wish I could forget that day.

I wish I didn’t have a cancer-versary but remembering this day always helps me bring things in perspective.  It also reminds me that a lot of good things came from that dreaded call – lots of new friends, renewed friendships, and made me realize I’m surrounded by a lot of love.   Today I’m still reminded of what I’ve accomplished and that I can do anything I want. Most people look at me today and don’t realize that I’ve had cancer but I know, I see the scars .  I know that I’m stronger because of it and I know when I fall down, I can get back up.

A friend at work sent me this you tube video…since she’s sent it to me, I think about it every day. I find it inspiring and hopefully you will too.  I compare it to myself and what I’ve been through and where I’m going.  I feel like I’ve fallen several times in life but I always manage to get back up, even when I don’t want to.


2 thoughts on “Four Years

  1. First congratulations…
    Second, while I’ve not had cancer, my BFF has. And I can so remember the day she called to tell me. She had just found out and her sobs on the other end of the phone almost undid me. I was driving when I took the call, and had to pull over. She said nothing…I said nothing…we just cried. Then we composed ourselves and realized we were both headed home.

    From that day on it’s kinda a blur. I helped her the only way I knew how…I organized for her. I had people come see her, bring her meals, take her to appts, etc.

    Neither one of us realized, at the time, that a person who was healthy and 35 could get breast cancer. But like you, the cancer brought us so many other blessings and so many friends (yourself included). It reminds me that even in the darkest of times, there’s always a little light.

    Here’s to another 50 years of cancer free.


  2. We have celebrated many ocaisions together but this one has been far the best. Yes , I know that we celebrated each other and life and the love we have for each other; We have been though so much together that we have experienced joys and pain that it felt like it was our own,but this past week has shown the out flowing love of faviliy. Thank you for this fleeting moment of Joy on this earth. Your Mom


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