This weekend I was thinking about what my next blog post should be about- the phrase/book/movie All Quiet on the Western Front popped into my mind. I immediately took the time machine back to Mr. Finley’s Social Studies class (8th grade) to when he showed us a clip from the movie to talk to us about something about WWI – of course twenty of some odd years later – I can’t think of the point he was trying to make but I do remember the excitement of watching a movie during class. I had to look up about what the movie was about this evening…so this is what wikipedia had to say…
…describes the German soldiers’ extreme physical and mental stress during the war, and the detachment from civilian life felt by many of these soldiers upon returning home from the front.
As a side note, I also had to look up Mr. Finley’s name in my year book – WOW! 1989 was not a good year for fashion or hair.
Interestingly enough, I feel like I can kinda relate – no my life isn’t WWI, II or even III but the physical and mental stress during the last couple of years hasn’t exactly been easy. I was on a work trip when I got a call a couple of weeks ago from my oncologist’s scheduler – she’s so sweet – and reminded me that it’s time for my three month check up. Every time I get that call my heart sinks and it seems like I was just there – just had my 3 month check up – and I have to say my anxiety rises a bit. I have that fear that something has grown inside me since the last check up and they will give news that will cause me to alter my life…again. I wonder will these feelings of anxiety ever go away? Will I always have anxiety over these appointments? I can’t answer that…at least not today but I need to continue to remind myself to have faith in my oncologist and the treatment I had.
This is going to make me sound wishy washy but ironically, the place where my appointments are held are the most comforting, calm place I think I’ve ever been. I know it sounds weird but as soon as I walk into the facility, everyone is calm and I feel at peace with whatever they have to tell me. I spend the drive up listening to some playlist that I’ve put together to help me deal with any traffic and to keep my mind off my anxiety. It will be what it will be…traffic, test results, whatever.
Today was no different. I cranked the radio up and sang along…as loud as I could…because that’s what people do in the car when they drive by themselves. Maybe not for some of you, but I’m a horrible singer and when I’m in the car, I could win a grammy. I finally made it to downtown Seattle, scored a great parking place and rode the elevator up to the 3rd floor. As soon as my oncologist walked in, I felt like she was my best friend that hadn’t talked to in months. We talked about running and then moved on to my test results. Not to keep you waiting any longer but the test results were fine. Still cancer free. Still a healthy survivor. In fact, I graduated. I graduated to seeing her every 4 months instead of every 3. See – this is where the ‘All Quiet on the Western Front’ comes in. And in some ways, cancer did try to start WWIII inside of me…but I won.
As for the rest of my life, I would love to say it’s all quiet but honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been busier. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m not enjoying my time it just seems to be going by so fast. June flew by as did July…with work travels, vacation, and more work travel….not to mention trying to fit in running, yoga, being a wife, volunteer, etc. As I look at August, I don’t think it will be any different. I find myself trying to find the quiet moments these days – whether in the car or sitting on the couch or doing yoga. I don’t want to cut back on any of those things I’ve listed…I enjoy all of them. I’m contining to work on finding balance and remebering to take deep breaths to keep me grounded.