When I was a little girl, I thought when I grew up that I would be just like my mom. Get married (when I was 21), have a family, and live happily ever after. It wasn’t until I was a teenager did I realize it doens’t really work like that. I didn’t exactly know what I wanted to do as a profession but I knew I always wanted to be a little different – not exactly go with the flow.
My mom was a nurse and I thought I could do that until I remembered I really hated needles and somewhere along the line I learned in order to be a nurse you have to practice giving yourself shots and each other shots. I think right then is when I decided I would not be a nurse. My dad was a writer. He wrote for the newspaper for many years and then later took a job at the university as a research reporter. I thought I could do that but didn’t know what I would write about. (I also like to point out that I do realize in my blog writting I’m making several grammatical errors – however I hope you can read the blog as if I’m talking directly to you)
I remember in the 4th grade Mrs. McCrary went through the class and asked each one of us what we wanted to be. When it was my turn, I couldn’t think of anything. So what did I say?? I said I wanted to work at McDonalds. I knew then I did NOT want to work at McDonalds. Not that there is anything wrong with that but I just find food repulsive…at least handling other people’s food. I even get mad at Alan when he doesn’t clean his plate like I want him to when it’s my turn to clean up the kitchen.
A few months back someone mentioned a really great motivational youtube video called The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch http://www.thelastlecture.com/. There is also a book too but I haven’t had a chance to read it. I really encourage you all to take a look – its very inspiring. Randy Pausch was a professor and lost his battle with pancreatic cancer. His last lecture wasn’t about being diagnosed with cancer, dying from cancer, or anything related to cancer. When he was a little boy, he made a list of jobs that he wanted to do when he grew up. During the video, he goes through how he accomplished each one of those things. It got me to thinking. What do I want to be…I’m still searching.
I can tell you this…that after I hit puberty and starting wearing bras (hang in there with me – I promise this isn’t too weird). I realized I felt pretty when I wore fancy victoria secret bras (and matching sets for that matter). I really liked looking through the catalog admiring the models. They looked so beautiful. I know that I would never become a Victoria Secret model but I was intrigued. It’s always been in the back of my mind.
When I got breast cancer, I knew I would never be a VS model. Ok…ok…I was 35 when I was diagnosed…but to me it really was the line in the sand…reality. VS would never call me to model. But guess what…you know who did call me. Komen. The afffliate office in Seattle. I got an email one day and in the subject line was “Unique Volunteer Opportunity.” I was intrigued, no doubt. I read it and responded immediately. I was being asked if I was interested in being in the Save the Girls Bra Fashion Show. It was a fundraiser for Komen Puget Sound. In the back of my mind, I thought…this is my dream coming true! I know it may not sound like anything to anyone else…but it’s my dream and I get to check it off my list.
The event was Sunday, June 17th. I thought that there would be other Komen volunteers modeling…I never thought to ask really…I just assumed. (Note to self: Never assume anything!) I showed up at the time indicated for hair and makeup only to find 21-ish, tall, skinny, ‘real’ models. Oops… I felt totally insecure and out of my element. One girl asked me “How’d you get this gig?” It was like she knew I was uncomfortable and older than the rest. I just explained I was a breast cancer survivor and I was there to show off the new girls. As any 21-ish girl would say…”Cool.” Anyways, I had a blast! It was fun wearing a sexy fun bra and walking the runway.
I keep thinking about Randy’s Last Lecture…I’m realizing that although life isn’t perfect – It does have it’s ups and downs – But it really is working out like I planned. I’m married (although it took me till I was 30 to find the right guy), I have an amazing family – so what that my kids are furry and walk on all fours, my friends are super, and I’m living life…and working on making a difference in this world.